Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Fear

Consumes me like a warm blanket on a winter's day
Comforts me like a mother to her child
Consoles me like a best friend
Protects me like an armoured shield
Exhausts me like an endless marathon

Let me go

Sunday, March 1, 2009

Inside Out

I started this blog like most people purely for the excruciating need for me to empty my soul and let everything out that haunts me, inpires me, boggles me, puzzles me. All day I go through with flashes of momentary genius. When I finally get the chance to sit back and put it on the screen, a complete void of nothingness takes over. Where do I start? It's all gone. Art in its purest form is an expression of conflict. Without conflict, there is no art. What happened to my consuming anger, the overwhelming confusion, the bewitching bliss, the pathetic sadness and the magnificent madness? So instead I post song lyrics, images and poetry that moves me procrastinating till the day I write something so profound that all the bloggers in Blog world would be envious. I am a master at procrastination.

All I want to do is let everything inside of me out. Just like yesterday. We sat at a shawarma stop and he brought his order to the table. The tight gut wrenching feeling paused for a moment while I negotiated with myself and finally reached out for the dolma because it told me I would feel better if I just had a bite. Then the gagging began and I my face turned white as snow as I ran for the one and only bathroom whose door was open in anticipation of me to enter. I made it. Born again I was after releasing the poison.

Why can't I do it here? Now. Right now. It'll happen, I can feel it bubbling inside.

Just wait.

Friday, February 27, 2009

She'd Prefer a Broken Neck to Another Broken Heart



She said that she would prefer a broken neck to another broken heart.
I said "Remember, even the beauty of birth leaves its own scars
And know that you will find your home right where you are."

She said, "I know it sounds cliche, but I really am just waiting to exhale."
She's not looking for a perfect man, she ain't holding out for Denzel
She's just looking for a real man,
But she said "Most of the realest were in graves or in jail"
Just an upright brother, but she's left with low down brothers, homo thugs, and downlow brothers.

And it took her some time with herself to discover
That having love is even more important than having a lover
But what am I supposed to tell her?
That it's going to be okay? But it may not be.
It may be hard and ugly,
Difficult, complicated, rough and bloody
And I said, "So many women are struggling"

She said, "Yeah, I'd like a man to kiss me, I'd like a man to hug me
But he's gotta truly love love before he can truly love me"
I said, "I feel you." She said, "No, you're not feeling me.
We are women bringing up seeds,
Our own sons grow up thinking love is a disease
Ducking and dodging real relationships, and just gonna take what they please
And they treat pregnancy like it's an STD
If the test comes back positive, it's a negative
And they are ghost in the streets,
Drunk in the wind, only a moment is spent and those moments are brief
Our sons' role models are rolling stones unknown or deceased
They figure we can't teach them manhood, so they'll get grown in the streets
So in the cold world they find warmth with the men holding the heat."

I said "There's gotta be a change."
She said, "Yeah, it's gotta be more than poems on TV"
I said, "I feel you." She asked me how I survive.
I said, "By Allah, it was my mother otherwise
I would have been dead, crazy, institutionalized."

"She kept us in the good neighborhoods, even though she couldn't keep on the lights
So we could go to the best schools learning to read and to write.
Sometimes we'd be so broke, in the store, she'd have to pick between the beans and the rice.
Sometimes she'd put ketchup on a navy bean so it wouldn't seem like we're eating the same thing every night.
Two jobs during the day, and one at night.
And the stuff I saw her endure, I never wanna see my wife [endure]
So I know being a man is more than being male, and I'm focused on doing it right."

"But when I think about my childhood, I don't think about poverty
I remember how she hugged me, kissed me, taught me, loved me.
And I know you prefer a broken neck to another broken heart
Broken parts that litter the night sky like stars.
But remember, even the beauty of birth leaves its own scars
And know that you will find your home, right where you are
We will find our homes right where we are."

-Amir Sulaiman

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Thoughts about love between people

I'm not very big on the whole Valentine thing. Some may speculate that it's because I don't currently have one but my approach to relationships has been more pragmatic. When I saw this article online, it really really touched me and made sense. So I felt like sharing. Keep in mind, I did NOT write it. http://www.bratstvoto.net/vehadi/menuen/b6/misli_en.html

The one you love should be so sacred to you as your image is and you shouldn't put any stain on him.

Contemporary people can not understand love, because they can not part from the old views. They think that when you love somebody you have to feed him, to dress him, to give him bed and s.o. Someone can say that when you love somebody you will satisfy all his needs. You will give him water if he is thirsty; you will provide for him if he is poor; you will give him knowledge if he is ignorant; and you will comfort him if he is sorrowful. But what if he already has all these things, if he doesn't need them? It is only the outer side of love. Love gives us something more than just what you can give or make externally. Love has a greater and deeper inner side. When there is love between two people there is exchange between their souls, there is a transfusion of their souls.

Love is the most delicate flower, which has to bloom far from people's sight. No body should know about your love. Love cannot be described with human language. He, who loves you, doesn't speak, but you can feel that there is love in his soul. But if he talks about his love, it vanishes.

When people love each other, they transmit to each other their mood and state of spirits. When there is some resemblance between two people, they can transfer to each other their thoughts and feelings. What one of them thinks or feels, the other will think or feel, too. If one of them is in good or bad spirits, the other will feel the same way.

When you love somebody, even if he is far from you, your love will protect and will support him.

You should show your love without looking for other people's love. This relationship is Divine when one's love is so all-embracing that when he loves he doesn't expect anything for his love. If he expects something in exchange he is not a source, he is like a cistern.

If you are looking for somebody's love you, you'll be in a permanent torment. If somebody says you that he loves you, answer him: “You are doing God's will”. Don't ask other people: “Do you love me?”. If you are asking, you will loose everything. Who and how loves us is none of our business. It's other people's business. The way we love that's our business. It's a crime for someone to ask somebody not to love anybody but him.

Love brings abundance.

When two people love each other, one of them is active and the other is passive. Both of them couldn't be active in the same time, this state of things does not remain unchanged. Having loved somebody for a time one becomes passive. He needs already to be loved. That is why, he who loves becomes passive after a time, and he who is loved from passive becomes active and begins to love.

When the love between two people is active in both of them, they become positive and they repel each other. If they are a man and a woman, they have no children.

If you want somebody to love you, there must be a harmonious difference between him and you like between musical tones. Namely in this right combination, in this difference consists harmony that we admire.
No body has the right to ask his friend or whoever it is, whether he loves him. If he asks such a question to his friend, love between them will vanish. If you love somebody, he loves you, too. There is no need to ask him. If you ask him, you don't believe him any more.

If you say to somebody that you love him, it is as if you wanted to say by this: “You should love me the way I love you”.

The negative powers in the world cannot touch the man of love. They cannot find sustenance in him, because they are not in harmony with his essence.

When we have love in us all the world works for us, when we don't have it, we work alone, that's why our work is not effective.

Human love, when it is not refined by Divine love, can suck the vital sap of that who loves.

For every one it is determined by whom he will be loved. And every one has to find the man that loves him.

If you want to know whether somebody loves you, concentrate yourself in your mind. If the thought of this man never disappears in your mind you will know that he loves you. If you don't disappear in his mind, too, you both love each other.

You cannot think of anybody if he doesn't think of you.

There is no greater misery than that of seeing love and not having it.

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

John Christopher Depp II



Some flames just don't burn out...I've loved him since 1987. 21 Jump Street.









Quickly

if I had twenty million dollars in a vault somewhere baby, it wouldn't matter anyway

cause the doctor told me that I'm dying slowly
so I guess I got to love you while I'm here baby

did you know

the news said the sky is falling, the globe is warming
my country's warring, leaders are lying, time is running

no where to go



Be love.

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

Ex-Factor

It could all be so simple
But youd rather make it hard
Loving you is like a battle
And we both end up with scars
Tell me, who I have to be
To get some reciprocity see
No one loves you more than me
And no one ever will

Is this just a silly game
That forces you to act this way
Forces you to scream my name
Then pretend that you cant stay
Tell me, who I have to be
To get some reciprocity see
No one loves you more than me
And no one ever will

No matter how I think we grow
You always seem to let me know
It aint workin'
It aint workin'
And when I try to walk away
You'd hurt yourself to make me stay
This is crazy
This is crazy

I keep letting you back in
How can I explain myself
As painful as this thing has been
I just cant be with no one else
See I know what we got to do
You let go and Ill let go too
cause no ones hurt me more than you
And no one ever will

Care for me, care for me
I know you care for me

There for me, there for me
Said you'd be there for me

Cry for me, cry for me
You said you'd die for me

Give to me, give to me
Why wont you live for me****For all my ladies who have loved and refuse to stop loving. You are gold.